These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize