I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
