I think my vagina is haunted
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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