never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
