Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize