I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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