Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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