So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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