first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
