i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
