My balls are so social today.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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