I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
