Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
