I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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