When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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