god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
