i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize