I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
