I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
