if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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