We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
