i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
