he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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