but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
