I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
