So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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