**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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