I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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