I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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