Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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