I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
