i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
