I will die if light touches me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
