I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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