just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
