My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
