Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize