The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
