dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize