I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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