He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
