Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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