Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you never un-have a 4some
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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