So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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