You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
