I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
