I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
