Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
