So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just pee around me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize