I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
