I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
