This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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