Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
