conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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