i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
