So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
