so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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