just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're a waste of cheezeits
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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