Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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