Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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