we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize