you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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