I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
