Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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