If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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