why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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