If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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