I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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