It's Friday. Sex?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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