i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
the raccoons are back...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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