Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to sanitize my soul.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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